| (no subject) |
[Mar. 7th, 2005|04:13 pm] |
Yoohoo! Yes you!
I'm moving back like a scaredy-cat to my easyjournal page. I know you're prolly saying, "What?!" But yes, I am moving back. As you've noticed, I've had one-liner blogs lately and part is because of the time and part is that I have no use here in livejournal. So I'm moving back.. I know you love reading my blogs.. So what are you waiting for? Clicky-click!!
absolutelywonderful.easyjournal.com
I'm not coming back.. Haha
Au revoir!! |
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| * |
[Feb. 22nd, 2005|09:20 pm] |
| [ | je suis |
| |  okay | ] |
| [ | surviving on |
| | - | ] |
"Even on their day off, the army ponders the different ways to share strength in the many lands of the enemy, abroad where they are only known by one name."
And it was done.
Amen. |
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| HURT |
[Feb. 10th, 2005|06:57 am] |
| [ | je suis |
| |  tired | ] |
| [ | surviving on |
| | Comfort in Your Strangeness, C. Alexander | ] |
THANK YOU FOR MAKING ME CRY |
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| HEH |
[Feb. 8th, 2005|08:21 pm] |
| [ | je suis |
| |  hopeful | ] |
| [ | surviving on |
| | Hello Baby, Cynthia Alexander | ] |
Too tired... Can't speak... Must sleep... |
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| shut up and die |
[Jan. 30th, 2005|09:06 pm] |
| [ | je suis |
| |  gasping for help | ] |
| [ | surviving on |
| | Buhok, Grace Nono | ] |
I've been sad. Very, very sad for the past weeks. I have no one to turn to and no one seems to notice. Then again, hasn't this always been the case? I have been patient, amazingly patient and I can't believe how people can abuse that patience. I felt particularly gloomy last Thursday night that I wanted to drown myself.. Only, I couldn't possibly abandon what I truly deserve, the very thing I worked for, I can't leave my blockmates alone and let them suffer for what I'll do.. So I'm doing it.. Because I love it, because I can and because I deserve it. Ironic though or maybe not, the very thing I've worked for is slowly killing me. Ha!
I'm tired of talking about you so I just won't. I'm tired of being a good friend cause my friends are not good to me!!!
Even my family fails to make me happy..
Maybe that's why no one read my blogs.. I've been blogging bout the same things.. Over and over again.. Nothing happens to me.. Huhu.. My life's a nothing. |
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| (no subject) |
[Jan. 23rd, 2005|11:09 pm] |
| [ | je suis |
| | okay | ] |
| [ | surviving on |
| | Who Are You, The Who | ] |
I will blog.. But right now.. I have to satisfy a craving.. Coolness.. |
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| sheesh |
[Jan. 10th, 2005|03:16 pm] |
| [ | je suis |
| |  nauseated | ] |
| [ | surviving on |
| | Move On, Jet | ] |
Is anyone reading my entries? I believe no one is. And its become useless to blog. Nevermind. |
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| hail |
[Jan. 5th, 2005|12:58 am] |
| [ | je suis |
| | TIRED | ] |
| [ | surviving on |
| | the oc mix 1 | ] |
the queen of cramming..
who's gonna get into the damn DL now huh? huh? huh?
pwe. |
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| get over yourself |
[Jan. 3rd, 2005|02:23 pm] |
| [ | je suis |
| | tired | ] |
| [ | surviving on |
| | the oc mix 1 | ] |
The holidays took a lot from me. I am tired than before, stretched out like rubber that kids fling around the garden. I can't say it was bad but I can't say it was perfect either. Or maybe I refuse to be optimistic. For the most part, I am torn whether to go or to stay as to before I would have gladly exited. I think I have left what I can leave, a memory of the girl who thought she can write but I am yearning to become everything I know I can be. My dreams are holding me back. But I can just, go. All else is insignificant.
Sex and the City concluded, an ending which constitutes crap but I cried anyway. A cry I did not have for the longest time. Although I knew I was crying for my own sake. Wondering why I am alone. And I honestly did not favor Big.
My Tita (my father's elder sister) is here on a vacation from Vancouver. I've always said that she's my favorite but I don't know why. She bought me the CSI Season 4 DVD. A request I made because it is my favorite season, if you care to know.
My mom gave me an iPod. I used to want an iPod so bad but forgot about it until my mom gave me one.
I watched Lost in Translation on VCD. It was heartbreaking but the closure in the end is enough to keep me satisfied. I was lost as well.
I finished reading The Virgin Suicides (yet another request from Vancouver). I do not know what to think of it. I thought in the end it was pretentious and Eugenides' allegories and fancy words made my head ache. I wanted to know why though I didn't believe in justification. I guess in the end, I was the 6th Lisbon girl.
I do not know what the future holds for me. I do not care about material shit. I can get up and walk away. Maybe I'm threatening you to try and dare stop me. But I don't know anymore. I am in the middle. And the middle is boring.
------
I watched Panaghoy, Aishte & Mano Po...
Panaghoy was forgettable but I basked under the sunny sun in the river of Bohol..
Aishte.. Was daring to say the least.. I was the only one not howling or commenting loudly bout the gay scenes.. I was jealous.. and I understood..
Mano Po was crap. Dog poo. During Mano Po, I wanted to watch Aishte again.. Tsk, tsk.. Crap. Should have watched Enteng Kabisote for all its worth.. |
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| eh.. |
[Dec. 8th, 2004|01:09 pm] |
| [ | je suis |
| | okay | ] |
| [ | surviving on |
| | obra encantada | ] |
So alright, yesterday was like an amazing race special for me, m, pring and shummy.. We were invited to attend this lecture in GMA yesterday and we were to leave school at 2pm and the lecture ends at around 5pm. Great opportunity right? NO! It was a real drama fest. With irritation, confusion, frustration, anger, madness, beautification, running (lots of running), panic, insanity, laughs bordering on the surreal and catharsis. Yes, aah, catharsis. Haha. But it was all good. We attended the lecture (it wasn't worth it, but what the heck) and got to report for our theatre class.. All good..
I have been thinking of someone for the past few days.. I guess I have just never really responded to the feelings but.. I shouldn't even be thinking of you.. I guess but.. |
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| aah! |
[Dec. 5th, 2004|05:53 pm] |
| [ | je suis |
| | okay | ] |
| [ | surviving on |
| | deliverance, kitchie | ] |
Recoged esta voz was interesting.. Certainly different and hard to grasp.. Or maybe I'm thinking too much? overanalyzing things that shouldn't be? He's amazing. That's it. I can't say anything else. It's not funny anymore.
Metus on the otherhand scared everything that can be scared out of me! Being a natural duwag with a complete paranoid imagination, it was a treat to scare myself. Hehe. But I have to say, hat's off to TKM and their effort.. Great job.. I wasn't closing my eyes like my friends did cause I wanted to enjoy the tension and thrill of seeing a nun in black dress coming towards us then the lights turn off and on again and the nun is standing with her back in front of us.. Great chills.. Hehe.. What probably made it a more fearful experience is the fact that it was set in the MMJ hallway which is really haunted, as well as the other parts of Miriam. Nyay. Moving on.. *chills*
I saw the most handsome person in church today (don't comment about me going to church please, spare me).. And the person.. is a she..
Surprised much? |
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| err... |
[Dec. 3rd, 2004|05:46 pm] |
| [ | je suis |
| |  blah | ] |
| [ | surviving on |
| | OC OST | ] |
Maybe we'll have class tomorrow cause the wind has stopped howling and the rain, flooding.. But, surprisingly, I was looking forward to coming to school last Thursday despite our cramming for our theatre report.. Despite headaches and frustrations, cramming gave me this amazing feeling of ecstacy that I know will lead to catharsis when we finally report.. I was looking forward to watching Metus tonight but do I have to blame the typhoon again?.. I'm not even certain we'll watch the UP play tomorrow.. Is there class tomorrow? *Sigh*
My longing to see you has kept me alive.. Therefore I believe it is just right to say I miss you.
Stop it, it's not you. |
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| *stomach full* |
[Nov. 29th, 2004|08:41 pm] |
| [ | je suis |
| | content | ] |
| [ | surviving on |
| | OC OST | ] |
Rain all day
Accomplished tasks
Kim staying overnight..
What else could go wrong? |
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| tangled web |
[Nov. 25th, 2004|07:04 pm] |
| [ | je suis |
| | gloomy | ] |
| [ | surviving on |
| | fall on me, moonstar88 | ] |
I do not know what I need, what I want. I was dying but I am still here. Is living worth it? Maybe so, maybe not.
But more plausible is the fact that I have been ill for half my life.. I could have slipped away and have never met you but I was waiting. I will not deny that. I was waiting for someone to save me, to make ALL OF THESE worth it. No one came. No one justified life. Perhaps there will be no reason to save me..
I am starting to obsess over you.. This feeling of needing to know every single detail about you and your life, this gnawing desire that makes me crazy and breaks my heart.. I am obsessed and hopeless and my friends do no not care.. Or if they care, they do not understand, which I understand for they have always been like that.. I have no hope that they will ever comprehend me or my absurd feelings..
I do not know what I want. I have a sinking feeling that what I am doing now will be futile when my spirit breaks free. I am trapped.
Is morality relative? I do not care. What is "good" to begin with? What is "bad"? I am so tired of all these theories!!! Tick, tick, tick...
There is only one truth? Fine. Here is the truth:
I need to be loved. |
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| YOU |
[Nov. 22nd, 2004|12:37 am] |
| [ | je suis |
| | gloomy | ] |
| [ | surviving on |
| | rain | ] |
There is no sense in this feeling. Why am I like this? What is wrong with me? Clearly, there is something wrong with me to commit to this, to feel this over and over again. I believe I bathe in the feeling of loneliness, of hopelesness and unreciprocated love. There is no one. NO ONE. Do you understand that now? There is no one. NO ONE TO LOVE ME. I have longed for three years and I DO NOT CARE WHAT YOU SAY because NO ONE IS COMING. I am not perfect. I am not beautiful. I am unworthy. And that, is, just lovely, don't you think?
I love you because I cannot have you and because I cannot have you, I just need to love you.
Don't be foolish, it's not you. |
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| pathetic |
[Nov. 22nd, 2004|12:20 am] |
| [ | je suis |
| |  drained | ] |
| [ | surviving on |
| | torete, moonstar88 | ] |
Every little thing he does is magic..
Why are there friends that don't listen when you tell them something important but when they share about the smallest things, I listen?
Why do I like the people that I can never have?
Why have I been single for the past three years, with no concrete relationship, not even a fling?
Why am I unpretty and fat?
Why do people not like me? Or love me?
Why am I alone?
Why are there people who insist that things will be alright when clearly it won't?
Why is there positivism?
Who is god?
Why are there perfect girls who walk this damned earth?
Why am I helpless?
Why are there friends that I can not count on when I need their help?
Why are my "friends" selfish and insensitive?
Why am I still here?
What will you do when I'm gone?
Will you make it without me?
Why do I love him?
Who are you?
Who am I? |
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| hate |
[Nov. 16th, 2004|08:42 pm] |
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where were you when i needed you? |
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| autumn of emancipation |
[Nov. 16th, 2004|08:34 pm] |
| [ | je suis |
| |  contemplative | ] |
| [ | surviving on |
| | orange sky, alex murdoch | ] |
the bell tolls its ungodly song / the hymn reverberates through god-forsaken souls / waves crash to the rough boulders / anticipating the unexpected / leaves drastically cling to their branches / as winds howl their sorrow / the ground stood firm as time travels / faster and faster now / the pain of unexplicable depths / reaches out from the heartless heart and the soulless soul / the water calms as the leaves sigh / of the wind whistling his lullaby / of the wind / and the rope swinging / the sun descending / and the rope still... |
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| (no subject) |
[Nov. 7th, 2004|09:09 pm] |
| [ | je suis |
| |  angry | ] |
| [ | surviving on |
| | - | ] |
I HATE!!! |
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| well.. |
[Nov. 4th, 2004|08:20 pm] |
| [ | je suis |
| | tired | ] |
| [ | surviving on |
| | breathing | ] |
So far, so good.. And I usually get in trouble when I say that cause it's much too early to determine that my professors are actually sane. Last semester, I had the misfortune of liking my English Lit prof who turned out to be a close-minded, conventional, shallow old maid. But the most of all is our Journ prof who taught nothing and in turn, we learned nothing. So far, *ehem*, every professor has shown competence and experience to validate their existence as a professor. Right on. Let's rock! I'm ready as I'll ever be.
Last Tuesday's episode of Sex and the City blew me away cause I loved Aleksandr Petrovsky *with accent*! Ack! Artist, charming, influential, Russian, impeccably dressed and old! I am a sucker. Hay. Carnivale was chilling and beautiful. *shudder*
Mikhail Baryshnikov as Aleksandr
Mikhail Baryshnikov as a ballet genius |
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